I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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