You made me cry and you don't even care
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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