I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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