I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
