I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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