Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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