I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
