fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
