I accidentally had phone sex last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
