i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
