You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
