The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's blow job season.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
