He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk is not a location!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
