Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
