3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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