I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize