Your mouth is God's brothel.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
