oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
