dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
