There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize