he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
