Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My penis needs a shock collar
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
