so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
