I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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