they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
