Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
