I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
