well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize