So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
