woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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