U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.