I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.