now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read