So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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