all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone