Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
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He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.