so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...