Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'