a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings