I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
