I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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