wanna go halves on a baby?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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