I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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