Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
nutella sex= disaster
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
