Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Blood and glitter go together right?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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