We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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