Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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