based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
