I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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