i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
