it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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