Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
