So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
