i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize