On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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