...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
