Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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