I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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