what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
