they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
