..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
