I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
