Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
