very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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