How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
