A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
