There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Of course I have a pirate flag
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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