And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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