I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
