My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
