i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
