Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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