when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
