you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have tasted many bathrooms
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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