Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
