I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
