i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
