nut hugger
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
