i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
