I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
